Zombie Apocalypse Day 14

Anothetreer week has gone by and no one close to me has died…yet.  The weirdest thing is that people who I had always considered rational humans are adapting to the new normal so quickly, it’s hard to imagine that we were anything else before now.  It’s like the zombies have always been here, but they’ve been hiding themselves, and for whatever reason, they are now emboldened to rise up and let their freak flags fly out and proud.

December has been declared Zombie Pride month.  Christmas is no longer a day, it’s a way of life that is being defined by the government and implemented by zombie local enforcement brigades.  Hanukah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa and Veteran’s Day have been abolished.  Rudolph and Olaf have been canonized as Patron Saints of the Holiday, and all advertising and merchandising must include an image of a tree, bell, candy cane, or Star in the East on red backgrounds.  Snowmen and gingerbread images are not allowed unless they are featured in a redemptive nativity scene.

The department of commerce and the IRS have determined minimum spending amounts on Christmas items.  These items must total 10% of a family’s AGI, and must be obtained and shipped to arrive on December 24th at the very latest or the expenditures don’t satisfy individual quotas, and tax penalties will be assessed.

The new zombie government is so excited to roll out this economic stimulus plan, that shopping holidays are now expected throughout the year.  Christmas in July sales will now be augmented with Christmas in January, February, March, and so on.  The president zombie is so proud of it that he has already reduced his income tax rate to -15%.  He has announced other “off-menu” tax rates that can be personally negotiated by individuals and corporations who contribute enough to his political campaigns, or if you can trace a family connection to himself, or his first foreign exchange Secretary of Defense, Vladimir Putin.

As expected, the black market for menorahs and dreidels is thriving, yet risky. Newly hired agents of the renamed agency ATFSH (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Seditious Holidays) make regular raids in New York’s lower east side. Tons of non-Christmas ornaments and decorations are destroyed regularly and the broken shards are strewn throughout non-zombie neighborhoods to as a reminder of what is not acceptable anymore.

More later, and a merry Trumpmas to all.


Saturday before Thanksgiving

A beautiful day on Southbeach.

Since relocating to South Florida, it’s been hard to keep in mind that it’s really mid-fall, and winter is right around the corner. I’m planning the trek up north for the holidays, and I’ll have a short time to remember why I came down here.

Things haven’t necessarily gone completely according to plan, but when does it ever? I was always afraid that if I moved to my happy place, it would lose it’s magic and become just another home office to work from, looking out the window at pretty palm trees and sunny skies.

It’s sort of been exactly that, except when I make time, I’m only a few minutes away from the beach, and I’m making an effort to enjoy that as often as I can. In fact, surf’s up!



Day 7 Post Zombie Apocolypse

The good news is that we have survived a week…at least most of us have.  The walking dead are measurably bold, lately.  Their sign and evidence of their departure from hunter/gatherer to blood thirst is progressing at an alarming rate.

The continuity of media and telecommunications are the most surprising aspect of the world as we now know it.samples-5  It was speculated that with such a large majority of productive humans making the switch to a zombie existence would cause widespread utility outages, but this has not proved to be the case.  The internet, talk-radio, and even automobile traffic has done nothing but increase.  People are still getting Starbucks and seeing movies, and Amazon shipping volumes are reaching critical levels.  It’s as if the few of us who were spared the zombie conversion are actually the freaks.  Police are still a presence, but many non-zombies have been detained for violent acts defending themselves and their families from being thrown out of their homes and jobs by homeless, unemployed zombie settlers.

Is this a temporary upset to society as we knew it, or is it the next stage of human evolution.  It’s too soon to tell.